2 February 2014

3.48am - I have been awake for the past two and a half hours. My OHSS is pretty sore, which I am desperate to interpret as a good sign - but it might just be the phantom product of wishful thinking and a worried mind.

4.33am - I really need to pee - I can't pee in a container and save it for later because the hcg in urine breaks down over time - but I am loathe to wake Archie so early. Lying here with my legs crossed.

...I lasted 'til half five at which point we adjourned to the bathroom and I peed in a cup; I then passed it to Archie so that he could do the dunking. After squabbling over the length of 5 seconds, (one of life's shorter disagreements), I sat on the toilet with my head in my hands and waited for him to say something. A minute passed and still there was silence. 'It's negative isn't it? It's OK. You can tell me.' Nothing. 'Is it negative?' Pause.

And then, in his best, newly acquired IVF vocabulary... 'I think we may have a squinter.'

'You mean there's a line? You can see a line? Let me see. Let me see. Oh my God, it's a line!! It's a line! Baby, it's a line!'

And, with that, I burst into heart wrenching sobs - letting go of some of the most painful grief I've ever had to hold inside. While I cried the line got a little darker and two more tests came up positive.

We are now lying in bed, holding hands - stupid with happiness, stunned with gratitude and, truth be told, a little scared that someone might step in and say it's all a big fat mistake.

It appears that at least one of the maybe-babies is still with us. Our little miracle in which all of you played a part. I have to stop now because I am lost for words - which, coming from me, speaks untold volumes.

We will never be able to thank you enough to reflect the depth of our gratitude  - but it gives me the most pleasure that I have ever had, to sign off this blog with love from Archie, Temora and the little hcg secreter that you helped us to nurture xxx


35 thoughts on “2 February 2014

  1. That is amazing, well done and congratulations. You have been on such a journey and now it continues but with great joy. I hope you both skip down this road hand in hand like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Heading into a new and exciting world.
    So pleased the blog didn’t end today and I can watch this tiny miracle grow.
    Was excited yet terrified for you both this morning and have just breathed a huge sigh of relief.
    Take care of yourself and your precious bundle.

    1. Thank you so, so much! We are still in a state of shock so I am not at my most articulate but we really are incredibly grateful for your kind wishes! I actually hadn’t been thinking of posting again – I didn’t think anyone would be interested past the cliffhanger stage but I am incredibly touched that you feel a connection and I will certainly let you know whenever we get big/special/important news. Lots of love and, if you can, treat yourself to something nice in our honour, after three weeks of dedicated service you deserve a wee glass of wine or a bar of your favourite chocolate or a big group cuddle with your beautiful kids xxx

      1. I am sure I am not only one who would love for you to keep blogging. This baby has a big fan club. X

    1. He is pretty cute – bless his wee furrowed brow! Thank you Jen, we are stunned to be so lucky. I almost feel guilty, knowing how many people struggle through numerous attempts without success… but that’s for another day. We really appreciate your kindness xxx

    1. Thank you Fiona, we really are so very happy! We can’t quite believe we’ve been so fortunate and we’re a little nervous to take it for granted because it’s such early days but we are so grateful for your emotional investment – it really is a blessing xxx

  2. And you’ve done it again, oh my goodness I am sobbing into my cuppa. The best news to wake up to. Huge congratulations. I need to go dry my face lol. Xxxxxxxxxxx

  3. Huge congratulations Temora & Archie. Great team work! I had goosebumps when I read your result! I hope your going to give us updates on how your progressing. Xxx

    1. Team Maybe Baby couldn’t have done it without you – you have been there from the beginning and we are eternally grateful. Thank you Faye, to have had your support throughout means much more to me than you can possibly imagine – you are a Woodrow and Woodrow’s have special powers. Lots and lots of love to you and your wee family xxx

  4. Not for the first time reading your blog I’m sobbing my heart out, I have the lump in my throat, the snotty nose the puffy eyes yet a huge stupid grin on my face,congratulations to you both, I’m so very very happy for you and please please keep blogging, what a beautiful way to show your child just how much it was wanted and the love it was shown before it even became x

    1. Wow – your message is a truly touching surprise! Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts, for gifting us your time and emotional energy and for being so generous with your encouragement and praise. We’re feeling very blessed indeed xxx

  5. The most wonderful news. Congratulations to you both. I haven’t forgotten the gift I was going to send you but it seemed a bit trivial with all you were going through. I’ll pop it in the post tomorrow.
    Never before have I hoped so much than I have for you both in these last few weeks. The most wonderful news xxx

    1. Thank you so much lovely one; we are absolutely delighted! We know it’s early days but it’s hard not to be happy and, to be honest, if something were to go wrong, we wouldn’t be any less devastated because we’d pretended not to care. Thank you gifting us your kind wishes and support throughout, especially since you’ve been on a bit of a mission yourselves this month – and well done for raising so much money, check you and your willpower! Lots and lots and lots of love xxx

  6. Congratulations guys,

    I am so happy for you both. Have been reading this blog every day, and it could not have came to a better ending.

    Wishing you guys all the best.

    (PS WOO HOO)

    1. WOO HOO!! If you are the Thomas that I think you are, then you are the hero that has been warming hearts across the nation! More people than you could possibly imagine have commented on being touched by the way that you stepped in and saved the day. You also really did save the embryos – today wouldn’t be unfolding as it is without you. We will never be able to thank you enough. With lots and lots of love xxx

    1. Thank you beautiful girl!! You are a founding member of Team Maybe Baby and you should definitely take some of the credit; thank you for being there from beginning to end – it means so much more to me than you know. I’m flagging a bit because I’ve been up since 2am but I will give you a call when my wee batteries have had a chance to recharge. So much love on this incredibly special day xxx

  7. So so happy for you both! What perfect news πŸ™‚ I’m definitely coming to visit to meet this wee fighter in 9 months time xx

    1. Thank you so, so much! I am almost feel guilty because we succeeded first time and so many people go through attempt after heartbreaking attempt – but I know that this kind of thinking doesn’t help anyone and the best way I can pay tribute to their struggle is to really enjoy our good fortune. Of course, it is incredibly early days – but I don’t think any amount of pretending not to care could protect me if something went wrong at this stage so I have decided just to give in to the joy! Thank you again for all your kindness and support – it has been such a blessing xxx

    1. Thank you Jenn – unbridled happiness; what a feeling! It’s early days but it is impossible not to be delighted. Thank you so much for your engagement and support xxx

  8. I was thrilled to read your happy news…I admit I was scared to read the blog at first! πŸ˜‰ So happy for you and may the good news continue onward. Would love to see you keep the blog going. Love and best wishes!

    1. Hey beautiful girl – a Team Maybe Baby founding member – we did it!! Woo Hoo!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Thank you for supporting us from half way around the world with absolutely no incentive but your good and generous nature. You do yourself proud and you add to our blessings. Lots and lots and lots of love xxx

  9. Congratulations Tem and Archie – this is such a perfect end to a riveting blog. We have watched in silence from SA with all our fingers and toes crossed and somehow I knew this would end well, so happy for you and Archie – I’ve never met him but I know you will be such an amazing Mum and it sounds like you have your soul mate right beside you all the way. XoX

    1. Hello my beautiful South Africans, I knew you were in it with me and it has helped me a long more than you will ever know – to see your little flag appear every day was like having someone from my homeland give my hand a squeeze and tell me ‘you’ve still got Africa on your side, you can’t lose’. My wee secret weapon against the odds. I am in tears writing this – isn’t it funny how you can not see someone forever and yet they can coury deeper into your heart than you ever expected. You will love Archie when you meet him – which you will because if you think you can get away with living in South Africa without having us visit eventually you are fools, (enjoy the poverty stricken reprieve but we will get there one day, even if we have to swim). So, so much love and thanks to you and your beautiful family xxx

  10. Ah Tem, thank you for such a beautiful heartfelt response.
    I have been absolutely glued to your blog and I would love to see you carry on with it so we can follow you and your little miracle.
    We would love to see you guys over here one day – I have a feeling we will be here for a very long time…you know too well the magic of Africa and I’m sure you agree, once it has a hold of you, it never lets you go!!
    Much love XoX

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